i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
