Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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