There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
