i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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