I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
