Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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