how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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