the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its about making memories worth repressing
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
