So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
