guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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