2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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