Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
