this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
