Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
