Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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