He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
