thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
