Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
