just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
