my vag is so smooth its legendary
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
