Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My cat gives me a boner
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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