Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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