You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you never un-have a 4some
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
