Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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