Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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