Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
