Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
