Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
