i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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