I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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