It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
