I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
