I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
