i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
