You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
