dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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