you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
