Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i believe in u and ur pee
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
