Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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