I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
