It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
