Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
