He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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