I never want to see another naked old woman again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
