Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
