Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i believe in u and ur pee
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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