You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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