Got a toothbrush?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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