You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
