All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
