You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He shit in the fireplace
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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