Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
