I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
