I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
